The Seven Stages of Grieving: A Biblical Perspective

Grieving is a natural part of human existence, and throughout the Bible, we find many examples of individuals and communities navigating the deep waters of sorrow and loss. The seven stages of grieving—shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance—offer a framework that helps us understand and process our emotions. Let’s look at each stage through the lens of Scripture and draw comfort and wisdom from God’s Word.

1. Shock
Shock is the initial reaction to a loss, where the reality of the situation is overwhelming and difficult to grasp. In the Bible, we see this reaction in Job when he learns of the tragic loss of his children and possessions:

"Then Job got up, tore his robe, and shaved his head; then he fell to the ground and worshiped." (Job 1:20 NASB)

Even in his shock, Job turned to God in worship, acknowledging the sovereignty of the Lord in his life. Although worship is hard in the first stage of grief, it can give a sense of relief when we look to God instead of ourselves.

2. Denial
Denial often follows shock as we struggle to accept the reality of our loss. It’s a defense mechanism that temporarily buffers the pain. King David experienced denial when his son Absalom died:

"Then the king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And so he said as he walked, 'My son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you, Absalom, my son, my son!'" (2 Samuel 18:33 NASB)

David’s repeated lament reflects his struggle to accept his son’s death, a poignant example of denial in the face of loss. At this stage, we want the call, the text, or the hug that will never come. We ask, “How? Why?’.

3. Anger
Anger is a natural response to the pain and injustice of loss. It’s an emotion that even the faithful can feel, as illustrated by the Psalmist:

"Why do You stand far away, Lord? Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?" (Psalm 10:1 NASB)

This raw expression of anger and questioning God reminds us that He is big enough to handle our most intense emotions. Having this talk with God is OK. But don’t let your anger turn to sin.

4. Bargaining
In the bargaining stage, we often make deals or promises in an attempt to regain control or mitigate the loss. Jesus, in His humanity, displayed a form of bargaining in the Garden of Gethsemane:

"And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, 'My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.'" (Matthew 26:39 NASB)

Jesus’ prayer reflects His deep desire to avoid suffering, yet His submission to the Father’s will is a profound act of faith and surrender. In our bargaining, we need to remember God’s will. Although we may not know it, we know that He is sovereign over everything, including life and death.

5. Depression
Depression sets in as the weight of the loss becomes fully apparent. It’s a period of deep sorrow and reflection. The book of Lamentations is a testament to this stage:
"My eyes fail because of tears, My spirit is greatly troubled; My heart is poured out on the earth because of the destruction of the daughter of my people, When little ones and infants faint in the streets of the city." (Lamentations 2:11 NASB)

Jeremiah’s lament captures the depth of his despair, yet even in his sorrow, he clings to hope in God’s faithfulness (Lamentations 3:21-23).

6. Testing
Testing is the stage where we begin to seek realistic solutions and a way forward. It’s a period of experimenting with new ways of thinking and living. The Apostle Paul encourages believers to view trials as opportunities for growth:

"And not only this, but we also celebrate in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope." (Romans 5:3-4 NASB)

Through the testing of our faith, we develop perseverance and hope, transforming our grief into a journey of spiritual growth. As someone said, “A test becomes our testimony.”

7. Acceptance
Acceptance is the final stage, where we come to terms with our loss and find a new way of living. It doesn’t mean forgetting or minimizing the pain, but finding peace and moving forward. Joseph, after many years of suffering, reflects this acceptance when he forgives his brothers:

"As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to keep many people alive." (Genesis 50:20 NASB)

Joseph’s acceptance of his circumstances and recognition of God’s sovereign plan is a powerful testament to faith and resilience.

Grieving is a deeply personal journey, yet we are not alone in our sorrow. The Bible provides a rich tapestry of experiences and wisdom, guiding us through each stage of grief with the assurance of God’s presence and love. As we navigate the valleys of loss, we can find comfort and hope in the promises of Scripture, knowing that our God is a God of compassion, healing, and restoration.

May this biblical perspective on the seven stages of grieving bring you solace and strength in your journey. Remember, it’s OK to grieve, and it’s OK to seek God’s presence in every stage of your sorrow.

In love,

Pastor Jody